Well That Was Interesting...

I'd never really thought about nursing. I did work experience with my aunt when I still wanted to be a doctor, but when that all fell apart, I was so focussed on how I would never ever be a doctor, I just never thought about being a nurse. I just had my interview with the nice careers man, Gus, and it was one of the first things he suggested. With a psychology degree, I could get onto shortened courses which would also allow me to specialise where I want to, doing what I am interested in.

For someone working towards a psychology degree, mental health nursing seems like the obvious choice, but is it? Am I a strong enough person to handle working constantly with people with mental health problems and not be affected by it? I'm not really sure and I think it's something I will definitely have to give more thought to, so what about paediatric nursing? I love children. Don't get me wrong, I'm not always great with them, but I love them but that begs the question, especially with very ill children, how would I react if they died?

I'm afraid this is getting terribly morbid but writing this down is helping me to try and sort it all out in my head. Much like with mental health nursing, am I strong enough to cope with children dying around me? Now I know that not every child who goes into hospital dies, far from it, but what about that minority that do? Would the children that are sent home with their parents, happy and healthy, make up for those that would be lost?

Then, there is adult nursing, from A&E to surgery to geriatrics, there is a vast array of things I could do. When I was doing my work experience (back in the mists of time, before my avoidance of revision and professional procrastination got in the way), I loved talking to the patients, encouraging them and even just sending a smile their way. I don't think I'm a perfect person, not by any means, but I'm nice to people (unless they are rude to me and I don't have a professional duty to be nice), I love to talk and I can tell when people want to talk and when they don't (unlike certain taxi drivers who will just waffle awkwardness at you until you arrive at your destination). Would that make me a good nurse? Probably, but do I have the mental capacity to learn everything I would have to know to be a good nurse? Would my friendliness get in the way and let me get too emotionally invested in patients and would my colleagues be there to give me a kick up the proverbial if I did?

As I've been writing this, I have questioned my own strength of character, my resilience, even my ability to separate my head from my heart but perhaps what I need isn't something that I know I could do, things I know I can cope with, but something new, exciting that I would have to learn and adapt to do. I don't know, maybe nursing is the way forward but how do I decide?

I Am On An Adventure...

Well, perhaps not so much an adventure as a mission. I'm on a mission to work out who I am, who I'm supposed to be, what I'm meant to do with my life. I've always thought I knew what I wanted to be. When I was about five, I wanted to be a policewoman, when I was six, I wanted to be a lolly-pop lady (yeah, I don't know either...) and when I was seven, I wanted to be a vet. I wanted to be a vet until I was 14 or 15 when I realised that, being allergic to most of the animals under the sun, veterinary practice probably wasn't my best plan. I had a rethink and decided I wanted to be a doctor.

I wanted to be a doctor until I got my Higher exam results, I got the opposite of what I needed to get into any medical school and suddenly I didn't have a plan any more. My friends had all gotten the grades that they needed, some were going to medical schools, some to study dentistry, some to art college. I had to decide in a matter of weeks what it was that I wanted to do now. My first thought was physiotherapy. From when I was about 15, I wanted to join the army and I thought "why not as a physiotherapist?". I'm still not entirely sure why I decided against it, and it's still something that I'll maybe think about, even though I'm no longer sure I want to join the army. So I went for psychology, even though the military don't recruit their own, I thought perhaps I'd end up working somewhere like Headley Court, something I would still love to do. I want to help people, that's the only thing I'm really, really sure of, whether it's in a more passive capacity or in a more direct one, I want to help people.

So I guess this is the part where I tell you where I am now. I'm in the middle of a Psychology degree at the University of Dundee, not getting great grades with little or no idea of what to do now. I don't think I have what it takes to get into a clinical psychology post-graduate programme, but besides that, I don't really know what else my degree can offer me, what more I can do with my life.

I work in a bar as well as being a student, and sometimes, although I joke about it to friends, it really does feel like I'm going to be stuck working there for the rest of my life.

But enough of the negatives! I have an appointment with the nice careers bloke tomorrow so I suppose that's where my adventure/journey/mission really begins...