I am a 21-year-old woman, and I am single.
I seem to be reaching a stage where the vast majority of my friends are getting into relationships; long-term, secure, loving relationships, not just your teenage romance that lasts a few weeks then fizzles out, seriously, one of them is engaged! And do you know what? A lot of the time it's difficult, and there are times when I feel like a bit of a third wheel even though I'm good friends with both partners.
Being single when all your friends have coupled up and your remaining single friends aren't always around or part of the same groups can be hard. No matter how non-couply they act around you out of respect of your mutual friendship and your singledom, you always know that they're together and on a good day, it probably won't bother you, hell, you might even give into the "oh look how cute and in love they are" way of thinking. On a bad day though, when you're not feeling great about yourself, when you're lonely or when something has happened that impinges on any semblance of a good mood, it's torture. Seeing other people that you care about being in love on bad days just serves to remind you that you're alone for now. Sure, you have friends and family, but it's not the same as having someone who wakes up in the morning thinking about you, goes to sleep thinking about you, and who makes you feel beautiful and loved even when you have the flu and the entire contents of your head are trying to escape through your nose. If you're having a day where you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, spending time with a couple will probably make you feel worse, and if you don't like the person you are that day, that'll be worse too and you'll probably blame your perpetual single status on everything that you hate about yourself that (believe me) no-one else even notices or thinks about you. But despite all that, and despite the constant reminder that you are indeed single, IT'S NOT ALL BAD!!!
For instance, today I sat in my bed eating ice cream and watching crap telly, just because I could, then when I got bored of that, I went for coffee with two very good friends. I bought a couple of films that I've been meaning to watch for a long time and now I'm back in bed because my flat is bloody freezing. Yesterday, I went training, driving the motor launch, had lunch with people then came home and sat in bed for a while reading, had a 2-hour long bath, just because I could, then fell asleep (not in the bath I might add, don't want to drown... Health and Safety and what-not...).
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that these are things that you just can't do when you're in a relationship, but it's nice to be able to do what I like whenever I like and not have to worry about other people's feelings or timing. I finished work early on Saturday night so I stayed for a few drinks and a guy bought me a couple of drinks. We were just chatting and there was no awkward dilemma about whether I should accept based on my relationship status.
Speaking of bars and guys buying me drinks, just because I'm "the single friend" doesn't mean that I need to be set up (especially not with random guys in bars just because they're there). I guess I still hold a deeply romanticised version of how couples meet and fall in love, but that's okay for me, and if I don't meet the man of my dreams because our eyes meet across a crowded room, that's fine too. I don't want to be "that friend" just because other people want to see me with someone.
I'm starting to realise that I like being able to make my own decisions and be my own person. I mean sure, I have days where I'm unhappy that I'm alone, and there is nothing I would enjoy more than cuddling up on the sofa with someone and watching a film. Seriously, there are days when I'm downright distraught at how long I've been single and I start putting all the blame on myself but in the clarity of morning; who cares?
I am single and for the first time in a long time, I'm genuinely fine with it.
No comments:
Post a Comment